How to become king or queen
Get married...YUCK ...or take out the trash🪦 (like Macbeth)! Now, come on. If you’re not already IN the royal family, this is a very efficient and rapid way to get in! I know, marriage and all that malarkey is a bit abysmal to think about, but if you’re in the royal family, you can make a plan to steal the crown! Oh yes, I forgot to mention that part. You see, the problem is that usually the crown or throne is handed down to the oldest child - a hereditary monarchy. The Queen passes it to her son and he to his son and he to his eldest daughter (if he doesn’t have a son - SO UNFAIR!). Therefore, if you wanted to usurp the heir (the person who will be the next king or queen), you’ll have to….you know….make them disappear🗡. I know, I know. It’s a pretty awful business, but this is how people became kings and queens in the past. Put the old one in the trash🪦, so to speak!
I’m not that kind of kid!
I know, you're lovely, aren’t you? You’d never do anything that awful! Maybe you’d kidnap the king or queen and put them on an alpaca farm picking up alpaca poop. That’s not an invitation, you nuisance ALPACA. Get ooooooot of here 👉! Rest assured, you don’t need to get rid of anyone at all to be the king or queen. There’s another option and it’s a rather splendid and dandy option. Make your own country!!! Isn’t that amazing? There are just a few things you’ll need to overcome to do that, but the idea is astoundingly perfect. If you’re not royal-blooded, you’ll have to simply invent your own royal family. It’s not that radical, actually, since every royal family in the world is made up anyway. Nobody was born a king. They were just given the title. “I name thee, King itchybum🩲- and you shall wear these green underpants as your crown!”. Like every word in every language, kings and queens are made up, imagined things. People love to be so fancy.
Find some land
There is one giant pickle 🥒of a problem, almost all the land on Earth is claimed by a country. Every grain of dirt in your country is owned by the ...well...the country. However, there are just a tiny few exceptions. Like….drumroll….🥁….the island of North East Caye in Belize. That’s right. If you go here - https://www.privateislandsonline.com/islands/north-east-caye -, for the small price of $500,000.00, you can buy your own island. After you buy it, you simply need to tell Belize that you are going to secede.
After that, you can just make yourself the king or queen, give your country a name, build EVERYTHING because it has NOTHING, and voila! You’re a king or queen of a country. You can get a telephone and call the President of the United States, “Hello, this is King Woochykoochy calling. I need to talk about trade.” However, all brilliant ideas have some limitations. Namely, in this case, the only reason North East Caye is for sale is because nobody wants it. So, it won’t be easy to establish and build your kingdom. You might need your mum and dad to help out a bit, and well...erm...give you the money to do everything. There’s an easy way to test the idea on them, “Mum, Dad, please give me $500,000.00 so I can buy an island and become the monarch. I’ll make you my servants and Royal Toilet Cleaners.”
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